Lessons in Pre-Motherhood

I have babysat a lot. In fact, I'm pretty sure that's all Kevin's parents think I did in Colorado since every other family that came through our reception line, when asked how they know me, their response was, "Babysitting."

Babysitting now is much different than when I was a teenager. The reality of me becoming a mother is always in the back of my mind as I care for others' children. And there have been moments when I really wonder if I'm cut out for the job.

image shamelessly stolen from his mother

I had the opportunity of watching this little guy twice a week. James Fackrell. He was born in December, so he is still very much a baby. Being with someone who only communicates by crying was a bit tricky. Overall, he was a very pleasant baby and a joy to care for. One day he had a blowout diaper right after I fed him. As I was changing him, he spit up everywhere. I was definitely grossed out and had the thought, "I don't think I'm cut out for this," because I realize that while this was an isolated event for me, motherhood would entail dealing with that all the time, and not always from the comfort of your own home where you (hopefully) have the supplies to do it properly. Also, did I mention that he wasn't fussy at all during the cleaning up process? I am convinced that is not always the case. I was envisioning Kevin's reaction to me telling him that I was rethinking this whole motherhood business when I finished cleaning James up and he started cooing at me and was so happy. I felt like a hero! I was able to do something so simple for this little guy that he couldn't do for himself, and he was so grateful! I decided that it was worth it and I would really do anything to make him happy.

The last two days, I got to play mom for my 5 nieces and nephews in Spanish Fork. The oldest is ten, the youngest is three. During the day, it was just me and the youngest two:

Taking care of them was a breeze. I brought over some laundry to do and washed some place mats with our sheets. The color from the place mats bled on to the sheets! I was so sad! And I felt dumb to have made such a silly mistake. Mistake number 2 of the day was that I rolled down the window in the family van only to discover that it wouldn't roll up. Mistake number three, I couldn't find the pink stroller for the three-year-old. Of course she didn't miss it until I asked her where it was and then she really wanted it. (It was later discovered in the backyard.) We rushed to eat lunch on Thursday to make it to the school just down the street to see Taylor (the oldest) in his class presentation where he was dressed up as Scott O'Grady. We get to the school and discover that we're an hour early. Sigh. At this point I'm wondering why in the world my sister-in-law thought I was competent enough to do this job while she was out of town. I began to question again whether or not I could really handle motherhood myself when not even 24 hours had passed and I had managed to ruin sheets and a car window and needlessly rush two children through their lunchtime. When we returned to the school and watched the presentations and the songs by the fourth-graders, I looked at all these other parents that do this every single day and was in awe. How do they do it? I was selfishly feeling sorry for myself when suddenly it was time for the fourth graders to pick someone out of the audience to do a square dance with them. The nice elderly couple that was sitting next to us volunteered to watch the youngest two children when Taylor came to me and wanted me to come up and square dance with him! What an honor! That seriously made my day and I felt like none of my other "failures" that day mattered: I got to dance with Taylor at his assembly!

Afternoon activites:

On Friday night we made pizza with the kids. They seemed to like it and had a lot of fun making it.

All in all it was a successful few days. And I consider it as much because I only got the stink eye a few times: